Increase in Wildlife on Campus Warrants New Safety Approach

By Justin Kressse

The Adelphi faculty have been seen feeding the birds on campus despite the significant threat they pose to humanity. The birds were using this feeder before the picture was taken, but did not want photographic evidence of their deeds, and they could not be reached for further comment. Photo by Justin Kresse

You may have recently noticed that there has been a substantial increase in the number of wildlife seen on the Garden City campus. We of course are used to the cute bunnies hopping about along with the squirrels. But the bird population living on and near campus has started to alarm Public Safety. And a bird feeder outside Earle Hall may be the culprit. Though no one knows which faculty or staff member installed it, students on their way to and from the building have increasingly become worried that this is a gateway to making the birds feel too comfortable on campus and potentially take over.

Though they had no specific comments, it was clear that Public Safety is also worried that the animals on campus have grown tired of sharing this space with us humans as recently a truck was seen to be guarding the feeder. Perhaps, Adelphi’s commitment to preserving the beautiful natural environment on this campus has backfired and made it so that all the animals now feel confident enough to mount an all-out attack against the humans?

This bunny was spotted at night on campus on the lookout for possible human targets. They may be furry and cute but they can still pull a punch.

Though there has been no direct violence as of yet, large swarms of birds have been seen recently around campus performing surveillance to presumably determine the best opportunity for a preliminary attack.

As of yet, neither Public Safety nor any other administrators have made an attempt to dissuade the winged population from retaliation against us. They said it’s not yet time for a “fight or flight” response.

As wildlife increases on campus, so does the amount of people wearing Converse, which allows for ultimate protection against crawling creatures. Photo by Lizz Panchyk

If you are interested in championing a movement about the wildlife of the Adelphi Garden City, we ask that you email The Delphian at delphian@adelphi.edu, and hopefully, we can preserve the future of this amazing campus that we all love so much.